A few weeks ago,
I made a huge mistake; a mistake that I am not likely to repeat in a hurry or
ever at all. It was one of those warm and balmy days, when you are not very
clear about whether you want the windows all the way down or whether you want
to roll them up and turn on the air-conditioning. The music wasn’t too great
and after switching a few channels, I gave up and turned it off. At a traffic signal,
I was waiting for the proverbial green light, looking around me in that
curiously inquisitive, prying and yet not prying fashion. I noticed a man
gesticulating wildly behind a rolled up window at a lady who looked like she
wished desperately she was somewhere else. I felt sorry for her and wished
there was some way in which she could shut the big man up when I heard a gentle
knock on the car window.
I turned and
almost cursed out loud that I had left my window open. There was a girl
standing at the window, tanned almost black from being out in the sun every
day, hair all frizzy and bleached brown at the ends, eyes straight and staring,
a sort of searching look in them, as if she was expecting to see something in
my face. She wore old clothes that looked like hand me downs that were at least
a couple of sizes too big for her. She carried a bunch of pencils in her hand,
the kind that were fat and long with a plastic animal figure at the wrong end.
Don’t get me
wrong. I am not one of those persons who roll up their car windows at the sight
of every person at the traffic light who is approaching. I am what one would
consider a conveniently generous person. I am not very big on people begging.
And usually turn the other way - except when it comes to older people. I
usually call out and give them something from the wallet. And I do not give any
money to kids or young people. I always think that they can work and earn
something and so my lack of a response. I am not overly generous or anything
even remotely like that; just the usual Joe that gives some money to some older
people. I just heard a day or two ago that giving money to people at street
corners is a good way of making yourself feel better. Truth-be-told, I had
never thought about it like that. But that got me thinking as to why I had ever
started doing it and I didn’t have an honest answer.
So that day, I
decided to break the routine just to examine my own reaction. So, I just took
out my wallet and gave her a Re 10 note. And was trying to keep my wallet back
in when she leaned in and asked me for an additional Re 10. My cynicism flared
up and I almost retorted angrily that there was a limit to my generosity when
she brandished the pencils and asked me which one I wanted. I gently tried to
tell her that I didn’t want a pencil since my son couldn’t use them when she
gave me back my Re 10 note. I was surprised at that and told her that she could
keep the note. In the meantime, an older woman walked up right next to her and
protectively put a hand on the girl’s shoulder as if I was likely to mean her
some harm. The older woman seemed to ask the girl what the matter was or some
such thing in a language I could not decipher at all and there was a furious
exchange of words.
Then it was
the woman’s turn. She took the note from the girl and gave it to me saying that
they wouldn’t accept anything for free. I could buy a pencil for Rs 20 or take
back the note. I saw the flash of pride and self-respect in their eyes and
couldn’t help but admire the principle on which they stood while the afternoon
sun beat strongly on their nearly frail shoulders. And I wished the earth could
open up and swallow me then and there as I had tried to do something that I had
in principle not ever done. Suffice it to say that as the light turned green, I
was the proud owner of a long blue pencil with an elephant at one end and was lighter
by Rs 20. I gave my son the pencil that day and he turned up his eyebrows but
started using it for the sheer novelty of a pencil that big. I don’t consider
myself a bigot but I sure as hell had a bias that might not sound as severe as
a racial one but was as bad when you think of it. And I am sure happy that
people can stand on principle even when faced with adversity and don’t have to
be national heroes or martyrs to be able to do that.
No comments:
Post a Comment